Monday, June 12, 2006

A Nasty World

Certain corporations are running amok. I won't mention them or what they do, but instead, I'll transcribe this telephone conversation intercepted by the NSA a while back.


"Well, good evening sir! I'm Frederick Jackson and I'm with MegaCom Incorporated. We're pleased to supply your communication needs and I've been authorized to offer you a special offer to help you and your business needs."


"For a low, low fee, we will boost your telephone service quality and reliability to all customers who call you. Now what would you say to that?"

"I guess that sounds good."

"Excellent. Now, all you'll need to do is pay a small fee for each customer that calls you for the great quality we will provide you."

"So my customers won't be paying for the call, like a toll-free number?"

"No, they'll still be billed by their phone company for the call."

"Then why am I paying extra? Do I pay this fee instead of my normal phone bill?"

"No, you'll still pay that too, but you'll get great audio quality and quicker connections to your customer that will enable you..."

"Hold on. So I have to pay extra just to be connected to my customers like normal?"

"No! Nothing like normal sir! Extranormal! You'll receive nothing but the finest audio quality and quickest connection to your customer, great for..."

"I don't think I'm interested, I'm happy with my service as it is, thank y..."

"But you wouldn't want to miss any calls would you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, let's just say that it's a nasty world out there with all sorts of calls being sent every which way. and it'd be easy to lose a few here and there. Or maybe your calls will get through; in a mere matter of minutes. Sir, this plan..."

"Wait a minute, this sounds like extortion! I'm not paying you any protection fees!"

"Sir, I assure you this is perfectly legal. We have, after all, spent billions making it legal. Also, don't be surprised if phone companies other than call offering the same deal. They'll want to get their cut as well..."

"Well, you can all take your protection and go to hell! ... Hello?"


"Hello? ...Shit."

If this seems ludicrous to you. It should.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Life can really be amusing- once one gets past the ulcers this kind of thing can cause. But I LOVE the word "extranormal". Wonder why more advertizing agencies haven't latched on to that one- it's "virtually" descriptive.